My mission is not to sell crystal jewelry, tarot card readings or even reiki sessions. My mission is to create energy and awareness to help individuals (women more specifically, but anyone who needs help) who are in, or who have been in a verbally/emotionally/mentally (referred to as V/E/M from here out) abusive relationship. Through my journey of self healing I have gained a lot of “tools in my shed” as I like to say. So many of these things I have learned over the last decade or so have given me the strength to become who I am today. (Which is certainly not perfect, but far stronger than I was a decade ago)
I spent my life from 16 1/2 to 35 years old with a verbally abusive man. I stayed through the degrading and the screaming. I stayed because he “needed someone to show him what love looked like”. I stayed because we had a son, then another and then another. We were a family now after all. I sacrificed my self completely to satisfy him, and it was never enough. I would confront him about his behavior and end up apologizing. (I could go on, but you get the picture.) He didn’t “hit” me. I remembered wishing he would so I had a good reason to leave. I do have some scars from him digging his nails in my wrists.
One day in my early 30’s it came on like a lightbulb- I was being manipulated! Since then I’ve learned what V/E/M abuse looks like. And what the red flags are. I was finally strong enough to leave when I was 35. I took my boys with me, and long story short, he took them back and turned them against me.
I spent the first several years depressed, crying and having anxiety attacks. I learned what ptsd was and thought “only soldiers get that”. After 6 years and a second marriage, I realized I needed help. The abuse had done permanent damage. (And yes, I do believe it’s permanent to some extent).
I started with a therapist for trauma victims and learned what c-ptsd was (c=chronic) from years of repetitive abuse.
I understand that people who get the $hit beat out of them suffer
V/E/M trauma as well, but in theory, those people know they’re being abused. People who are being
V/E/M abused don’t always realize until it’s too late.
My mission is to bring awareness to what V/E/M abuse is. To share my story and teach people as young as possible what the red flags of abuse are. There is way too much of it. I see so much in my clients and friends relationships. Once you’re aware, it’s impossible to put it back. What I’m doing with those “tools in my shed” is what I can to help those who need help. And to bring awareness through teaching how to love and respect yourself and allow others to love and respect you. Some of the fault of the abuse comes onto those who allow it. I take responsibility for allowing it to happen to me. We need to stop allowing abusers to get away with it and stand up!
The biggest part of that is finding true love within and for yourself as a being. To truly work toward finding unconditional love for self (and yeah, I know that’s not as easy as it sounds). I have received help from others through coaching and therapy. I have taken it upon myself to learn “tools” that can help me. And I want to teach other what I have learned so I can help them too. And teach them to help themselves.
Help me get the word out by INVITING friends to my Group Page who you believe may need help.
💜💫TJ
Fb Group Mending Hearts With Self Love